Someone shared this quote with me a while back when I was up to my usual antics – talking about sex. “An orgasm is just the period at the end of a sentence.” Sorry – I don’t know who the quote is from but if I remember correctly it was a porn star. Interesting. My friend mentioned the quote because I was concerned about the many women who have told me that they haven’t reached or rarely reach orgasm and how left out, frustrated, and ultimately ashamed they feel. I hear this from women at least once a month. Now granted – anyone who knows me professionally or personally, knows that I live to talk about sex so it isn’t surprising that I hear a lot of stories and venting about sex. This isn’t just a hobby for me it’s a calling.
Okay so back to the topic – Anorgasmia – also known as “a sexual difficulty involving the absence of orgasm in women.” http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/female-orgasmic-difficulties is not uncommon – hence the official name. “5-10 percent of adult women in the U.S. have never experienced orgasm by any means of self or partner stimulation” (Spector & Carey, 1990). And an even more important statistic that every person and couple should know is that 70% of women never actually reach orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse alone.
So do I agree that an orgasm is just the period at the end of a sentence? Well, as any good therapist would say, it depends. I think that when sex and intimacy are good, then the orgasm IS just the period at the end of a sentence. But then again, how many people are having the sex and intimacy they desire? I am not talking about the sex we see in movies. I am talking about the sex that real people experience in both new and old relationships.
So after talking to many women about this topic it’s clear that women who are having satisfying sex and regular orgasms often agree that orgasms are just a part of the satisfaction they experience. Pleasure and connection is the primary goal of their intimacy not necessarily having an orgasm. However, for the women who are not having satisfying sex, intimacy, or regular orgasms it can be incredibly important and at times all consuming in their intimate relationships. So, like I said, the importance of orgasm depends. It depends upon the person, the relationship, surrounding life issues, satisfaction or lack of satisfaction in the bedroom, and the list goes on.
Now don’t get me wrong – I AM FOR ORGASM and if you are not having orgasms I suggest you see a Sex Therapist. Having an orgasm is an incredible stress reliever and often comes in handy during writers block. What I am NOT for, is women feeling less than because they cannot reach the big “O”.
One last thought, this blog is not meant to minimize the struggles that women with Anorgasmia experience but to enlighten and normalize their feelings, enlighten those who are in relationships with women who are Anorgasmic, and encourage those struggling to seek help because this isn’t the end of the road for you.